I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
