too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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