I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
