is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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