I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
