dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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