Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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