wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
