Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my sisters under your porch take her home
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
