Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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