I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
