If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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