Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
