even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
