Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
