What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
