Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
