I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
