She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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