the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
