genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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