I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
