Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
