Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I believe in your delicious
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
