We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
