didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
