hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
