And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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