I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
