hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
