I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
