I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
