i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
honey bunches of taint.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
