dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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