he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
