Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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