Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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