i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize