i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
