what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
