1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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