fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
