I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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