whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
