I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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