If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
