smell my finger.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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