I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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