During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
