I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
