So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
In America we eat man semen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
