I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
