I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize