My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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