I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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