I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
