Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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