I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
