Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
