my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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