WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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