as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
