I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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