what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
