Kiss
Puke
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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