were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
