If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
