Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
