3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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