I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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