seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
