found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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