And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
