im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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