I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
