Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
