Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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