i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize