Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
