Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize