turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
