So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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