Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
