So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize