the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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