You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
