Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
