My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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