I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
