dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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