Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
