you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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