They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
