I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
