thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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