i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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