i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
