Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
