I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
