Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
