My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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