If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
